Bearing the emotions – part 1

Bearing the emotions – part 1

In this video blog I talk about how I processed my grief after losing my son. Click to watch the video or read the transcript below. If you would like to share your experience, it might help. Just email me to set up a time to chat – umatterdad@gmail.com

Hi everyone, so I’m coming on and this is my first vid and post for U Matter Dad. And I’ve actually just pulled over in the car, because it’s just quite fresh in my mind about grief, and how each of us is affected differently. I particularly want to start off the first phase, which is the feeling of anger. And I’m going to share with you a little bit about the emotions that I experienced, and hopefully you can connect with that. And I’d love to hear also how you’ve progressed and moved forward.

My first phase, once I’d come home and I’d started to actually physically heal, I was angry. I was just so angry and I fell into this very deep seated anger. And I was, I was such an angry person. Angry at the world, angry at myself. Angry at just people living. And it was such a state that I felt that it took everything within me just to be nice to people.

And I want to say that it was … when I actually sat down and actually let those feelings, it was almost like a wave. And I remember I was in my lowest, lowest point. And I remember being in my bedroom and I just started punching my pillow. And I started within myself just getting angrier. I could feel this rage. It was almost like it had to come out of me, because I had that time. I didn’t have Aleisha, our little girl, at home. I didn’t have my partner at the time there. So it was almost like it was just me and that emotion. And allowing that emotion to just take over me, it’s almost like it took possession of me in that time.

And I remember afterwards just feeling so liberated, and I could actually start to cry and feel my tears and feel my pain. And I want to reach out to a few of you that have come through to me directly on my messenger and sharing your stories and your experiences. And I feel that with a lot of it, it’s almost like you haven’t given yourself that permission to actually do that, to actually feel and grieve your loss. You’ve been the primary care taker, you’ve been the person that is the rock. And your own emotion, what that automatically does, is put it in a box, because you go into that protector mode, you go into that, “I’m going to fix this, I’m going to make this okay.”

And I want to commend all of you on that. I want to say that sitting with these uncomfortable emotions, and actually letting them take possession of you in that moment is what the reap program is all about. It really is about sitting with these uncomfortable feelings, and it’s not about being the strong person in this. It’s actually so strong to actually give into that emotion, because it then takes you into the next phase. And it’s something that you ultimately give to you in your grief process.

I’m hoping that my first post doesn’t come across too strong or so forth, but I’ve always been very much like that in the work that I’ve done throughout the years through my By Mom’s Side. Through workshops and seminars that I’ve given and I’ve reached out. It really is about showing, and actually it’s such a strength you can do for those around you, and more importantly for yourself. So, I’m hoping that my message has reached you, and I’d love to keep hearing from you, and messages coming through, and keep sharing the posts and the pages. Yeah, have a read through the reap program and connect with me. Have a great Sunday wherever you are, and make the most of it. Bye.

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